When You and a Very Good Friend End Unspoken Do They Ever Try to Talk Again
Written past Writer's Corps member Demetria Osei-Tutu
Y'all never remember anything could breakdown you and your best friend, but you could be wrong. Anybody has unspoken rules or guidelines around what is and is not okay to do in their friendship, otherwise known as bro or girl lawmaking. These guidelines might exist as harmless every bit not giving unsolicited advice to more serious deal breakers like not abandoning your intoxicated friend at a party. But one of the most famous and universally agreed upon deal breaker is this: never-ever date a friend's ex.
While we can all hold the ex-files is non territory we should be steering into, sometimes life happens and nosotros fall for people unexpectedly. So, let'due south say this is the case. Y'all've fallen for your friend's ex and your head is spinning with questions.
Volition dating this person hurt your friendship?
Are you definitely feeling butterflies or is information technology something else?
Information technology's non similar you're actively looking to date someone from the ex-files just mayhap the chemical science you share with this person is undeniable so, naturally, you are considering what might be considered the unthinkable. 👍 for bravery, 👎 for ensuing drama. Beneath are the top v questions to inquire yourself before your date a friend'southward ex.
one. Will Information technology Make Your Friend Uncomfortable?
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Let's face information technology, some relationships end messy making information technology extremely difficult to consider that person anything other than off limits. If your friend'due south human relationship was rocky to begin with, yous might exist asking a lot of them to be around that person once more. Beyond mutual unhealthiness, was their relationship calumniating? If so, there are two things y'all should seriously contemplate:
- Has the aggressor sought guidance: Accept they received counseling from a counselor or other support grouping to change their beliefs? Do you lot see show of lasting change?
- This could be triggering: Your friend may never experience comfortable beingness around them again. The emotional and mental effects of mistreatment resulting from an abusive relationship may linger long after the relationship has concluded.
Ideally, you won't have to hide your new bae or your feelings for them from your friend so getting clear on their comfortability with your new relationship is paramount.
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Side Note: A history of violence or aggressive behavior is a huge red flag that should not be ignored. Even if your potential partner is kind and loving at the start of the relationship and actively seeking counseling to curb their controlling and ambitious behavior there is always the possibility they volition repeat past behavior. Stay warning for whatsoever of the x Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship and seek assistance (call 911 for immediate aid, campus security or the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799- 7233) if you experience unsafe or uncomfortable at whatsoever bespeak.
RELATED: #AskOneLove: "I've Shared My Concerns About My Friend'due south Unhealthy Relationship…Now What?
2. How Long Ago Did They Breakup?
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There'due south a divergence between dating an ex from kindergarten and one from last month. Your friend might not care that you're going out with their 8th-grade fling, they may fifty-fifty welcome the relationship with a little sense of humor, but they will care that you're dating an ex from a year ago or less. Breakups take fourth dimension and closure, dating a friend's recent ex can seriously impede their ability to motion on. More than that, it may warrant more than a few side-eye glances you lot're your common friends. Earlier y'all proceed, exist sure both parties (your friend and their ex) have had ample time to become over each other.
Side Note: If you date a friend's ex soon afterwards the breakup, it might seem like yous were waiting for your chance even if you weren't which isn't a good look in the long run or the short ane.
3. Is Your Friend Over Their Ex?
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Was the relationship serious? Here'southward the thing, the length of a relationship does not necessarily equate to the depth of feeling they had for each other. Serious relationships take time to become over. The last thing y'all want to exercise is start something with someone that has unresolved feelings for your friend or vice versa. Talk to your friend nearly the seriousness of their relationship with the person you're thinking about dating. And when yous do, pay attending to their body language and tone of vox. Recall, you know your friend amend than anyone else, so y'all'll know when they're holding dorsum their feelings and when they're keeping it real.
Side Notation: Communication is a must for every healthy relationship. If you leave the chat still feeling unsure most your friend's feelings than more than conversation may need to be had.
RELATED: Salubrious Relationships 101: five Things to Consider Before Y'all Start Dating a Friend
4. Are They Doing It For The Right Reasons?
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No one wants to believe the person they're into is dating them for the incorrect reasons only, there are many levels to nothingness. It'southward one thing to take chances your friendship for a genuine connectedness that tin can't be helped just what if they're using yous to get back at their ex (your friend). Some exes (unfortunately) practice have ulterior motives and it'southward of import to suss them out as all-time yous can earlier you become emotionally invested. Ugh, and then messy.
RELATED: #AskOneLove: "I Want to Make My Friend (with Benefits) My Southward.O."
5. Are Yous Willing to Lose a Friend?
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1 of the almost important questions you lot should ask yourself is this: is this relationship worth permanently or temporarily losing a friend? Sometimes friends volition seem like they're okay with something only will distance themselves from you lot after. Information technology doesn't necessarily mean they want to punish you lot merely the reality of you getting close to their ex might (understandably) be also much. This isn't meant to scare you but to prepare yous for the possibility of all of a sudden being ghosted by your friend.
Side Note: Allow your friend have every bit much space every bit they need particularly if their deportment point to some reservations about your new bae.
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Life is never blackness and white and there is no difficult and fast rule that says you can never date a friend'south ex. Be thoughtful and considerate of their feelings and be as transparent every bit possible when discussing your want to engagement that special person. Yous never want your friend to feel blindsided if you decide a relationship with their ex is worth a shot.
Source: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/5-questions-to-ask-yourself-before-you-date-a-friends-ex/
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